The Texas Chainsaw Massacre

Reviews for this franchise will go in reverse order as I've never seen Leatherface or The Beginning, or the first sequels. I will also be skipping Texas Chainsaw 3D as I have heard it is incomprehensibly bad...yes worse than the first movie coming up.

Netflix's Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2022 is not a good film, I was actually waiting the whole film for a second reveal to show us that the leatherface in this movie was an imposter. It did everything a film shouldn't do when trying to revive an old franchise and update it for a modern audience. Having leatherface stalk and kill social media influences was beyond cringe inducing, disrespecting the character of Sally Hardesty from the original by killing her off what felt like moments after she was introduced.

The only thing I actually liked about this movie was the idea that Sally due to the trauma she suffered from the events of the first film has become cold, calculated and un-empathic towards the new victims, willing to risk their lives in order to finally kill Leatherface. That's a great idea and one that deserved a better film, the way it was executed however was pitifully done and Sally Hardesty is not the character to go that route with it doesn't make sense for her to behave like that. I was able to enjoy the movie purely because of the gore, everything else however stunk higher than the Sawyer families dinning room. 

Leatherface has got a load of hate purely because people don't want to see an origin to that character, something I completely understand as it takes away a lot of mystery from the Sawyer family, however as a movie it really isn't all that bad.

It reminded me more of The Devil's Rejects by Rob Zombie more than anything else and I think if you go in watching it as a solo backwoods horror movie it's a good one. It definitely benefits from having a good director (Alexandre Bustillo, director of the excellent French extremity movie Inside) and a good supporting cast in Lili Taylor as the titular behemoth's mother.

While I think more could be done if you were to explore the backstory of the Sawyer family it's a good effort. There are some unexpected twists and turns and there honestly is nothing truly awful about it, the worst thing I think you could say is that it tries to humanise a character that doesn't require a backstory and that it is ultimately somewhat of an unnecessary entry and that the ending is somewhat rushed. Those are all valid criticisms but judging it as a standalone film, I've definitely seen a lot worse and it entertained me throughout the entire runtime.

The biggest problem with the film is that more time was needed on the descent of the main character to becoming the monster we are familiar with from the original film, other than that, it's really pretty good.

Texas Chainsaw massacre the beginning is as pointless as its name, as it’s not even an origin story, just a retread of the same plot points of the original film. It has no purpose of existing other than to generate whatever money it can from the franchises name. Leatherface is barely in it, it focuses more on one of the Sawyer family as the main antagonist, who is pretending to be a sheriff after he steals a cops uniform. There are no interesting kills.
And it was frankly so boring that I wrote this review while watching the last twenty minutes. Leatherface’s mask also looks like a cheap halloween store knock off in this movie. The 2017 film Leatherface is a much better film as it actually has a few original ideas to contribute to the series, this was terribly boring.

Texas Chainsaw massacre 2003 is a pretty solid remake produced by Michael Bay, who at during the 2000's seemed to be the go to guy for Hollywood when remaking famous horror films.

His horror remakes tend to either be fairly decent (The Amityville Horror) or down right terrible (the hitcher, a nightmare on elm street). The remake of Texas Chainsaw does try to replicate the same gritty look and atmosphere of the original and I’d say it does that pretty successfully. It also doesn’t stick too rigidly to the exact same plot points and changes a few things here and there, nothing major but just enough to make it not be a complete retread of the 1970’s horror classic. Where I think it fails a bit is in its characters and some of their decisions, it’s characters bar Jessica Biel are not only completely forgettable but pretty unlikeable and their reactions to certain situations are really mind boggling.

For example a girl commits suicide in their car and they’re more concerned with what to do with her body rather than the fact that what they saw was as traumatic a thing as a person can witness in their lifetime. I understand it’s a slasher and character drama is really front and centre in this type of movie but It does take you out of the film a bit when the characters treat a majorly traumatic event like a fairly minor inconvenience. Jessica Biel is really the only one you’re rooting for to survive.

Among the things I liked was its depiction of Leatherface, he is an unrelenting and intimidating force in the movie. There are definitely a few creepy sequences and the movie as a whole is a competently made and pretty enjoyable slasher flick

Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Next Generation is one of the weirdest sequels I have ever seen. It begins as what is almost a direct to video retread of the original film with a quintessentially nineties aesthetic but ends up as something that if nothing else is definitely original and completely insane. It has been argued online that this is due to it potentially being a purposeful satire of tired slasher film tropes but it's honestly hard to tell if its intention is to be a bad movie or not.

The plot is essentially the same as the original, a bunch of teens end up stranded in the wrong part of Texas and are preyed upon by the Sawyer family and when they seek help from outsiders they find that they are in cahoots with the crazed cannibals. 

I honestly don't know where to begin with this. Let's start with Matthew McConaughey, who yes, is in this film and he is the best damn thing in it. He plays Vilmer Slaughter, a psychopath with a cyborg leg, yes you heard me, a cyborg leg, a remote controlled one no less. Why?, fuck me I don't know.

It makes as much sense as his partner in crime Darla, who for some reason is the only member of the Sawyer family dressed to the nines with 80's shoulder pads and a hairstyle reminiscent of Jennifer Aniston in the early seasons of friends. Why? don't ask, again I don't know.  All I can tell you is they are having the best time chewing the scenery when making this movie, their performances alone make what is a really terrible film kinda watchable.

Rennee Zellweger is also in it as the final girl, so essentially you're watching Magic Mike hunt down Bridget Jones. It also for some reason features a plot in the third act that comes out of nowhere where the whole thing has been a set up by a mysterious company who are looking to create a "spiritual experience of fear" for Zellweger's character, why?, if I haven't mentioned already, I don't fucking know. I'm as confused as you are reading this. The film while awful made enough of an impression on me for me to have to create a new rating because of it. 

Oh I forgot, it also mentions that the illuminati are in charge of the murders and Leatherface gets hit by a random plane that comes out of nowhere at the end of the movie. 

In short, 
Texas Chainsaw The Next Generation is so bad that its good.

Leather-face: Texas Chainsaw Massacre 3 is my favourite sequel so far, it's the closest to the original compared to all the ones that came after it and it does something different with the set up of the story which I really liked. The beginning is reminiscent of Steven Spielberg's Dual with a couple being followed by a large imposing four by four covered in human skin.

It also breaks the mould of a Texas Chainsaw movie by having a character who is armed and can actually fight back in Benny, an ex military survivalist who aims to help the two would be victims played by Ken Foree. Lead final girl Michelle played by Kate Hodge  is also as good a final girl as Sally Hardesty in the original film and really shines In a few great moments. Surprisingly among the supporting cast is Viggo Mortensen who is another highlight as the extremely creepy Eddie Sawyer.

It's an incredibly underrated sequel and deserves a lot more recognition than I imagine it received. 

Texas Chainsaw Massacre 2 is absolutely dreadful, however it is mildly saved by Bill Mosley and a few funny scenes with Leather-Face. The plot is ridiculous, it involves a radio DJ teaming up with the local sheriff to take down the Sawyer family....by playing a tape of them murdering someone on her radio show. I'm not sure exactly what this is supposed to achieve but that's the plot. I think it's supposed to drag them out of hiding but I'm not entirely sure.

As a movie it's a complete and utter failure, the pacing is terrible, it's poorly edited, (one sequence keeps cutting back and forth to the same scene of the sheriff screaming) It's an insane dumpster fire of a movie. But as I mentioned it has its moments, seeing Leather-face be attracted to a person is hilarious and for some reason they have him do this little dance with his chainsaw every time he's on screen. I have no idea why Tobe Hooper decided to follow up his iconic film with this, there's no logic or reason to the tonal shift between the two movies.

The best thing I can say about this film is that it's responsible for Rob Zombie's entire career, The tone, characters and atmosphere of this movie clearly directly influenced Zombie to create the vastly superior House of 1000 Corpses. From its colourful manic characters and its oddball sense of humour coupled with extreme violence. Other than that I don't really have much good to say about this movie, for all its absurdity I really didn't enjoy it all that much.